“So, did
you enjoy the party?”
“Uhhm, a
bit.”
“A bit? I
thought you enjoyed playing with the other kids.”
“Well,
everybody just wanted to play Minecraft. They didn’t even want to play with
normal LEGO!”
This was
the conversation I had with my six year old daughter one evening after having
just arrived home from a party. Her frustration really tugged at my heart.
There she was, my friendly and outgoing six year old, surrounded by children
her age, some a bit older, yet feeling alone because the others were too busy
to look up from the digital world they were engrossed in, to even play with
her. This made me ask myself, what kind of generation are we raising?
I see it
all the time, a toddler in a stroller being entertained with an iPhone at the
park, a toddler confidently navigating an iPad app at a children’s party, a
little girl enjoying a game on her DS in a restaurant. All of them looking down
instead of living in the moment.
But I have
to admit, they used to be us. That couple at the next table who are both
looking down on their phones used to be my husband and me and their little girl
on the iPad used to be my six year old. Although I enjoyed using that undivided
time scrolling on my phone because the six year old and the husband were also
busy doing the same thing, there were no conversations and it has always made
me uncomfortable. Aside from it not painting a good picture from the outside,
neither is it painting a good picture from the inside, as far as our
relationship as a family is concerned.
I remember
before the time of smart phones, my husband and I used to be so engrossed in a
conversation while waiting for our food in a restaurant or while in the car and
how I used to play with my daughter endlessly when she was little rather than
shove an iPad under her nose. This made
me realize that I want to have those conversations again and I want to have
that endless playtime with my daughter again, before she grows up and it is too
late.
I realised I have had enough of living a distracted
life, of not living life fully because of the trappings of technology. I
decided it is time to look up as I realized I wanted to look at my husband’s
eyes again when we are having a conversation, watch my daughter run around in
the playground or see her priceless smile while playing instead of constantly
looking down on my phone. I wanted to live in the moment again, not through a
screen and I wanted the same thing for my daughter. A life where first thing in
the morning she would look forward to finish that Lego structure she started
the night before or finish that book she had been reading rather than check on
a life she is building in a virtual world. I want a life for her that is not consumed by likes
and comments on Facebook. A life that is not spent looking endlessly at a screen.
I would
rather she engages with her friends in real time rather than talking to them
through an app on the phone when they are very well sitting beside each other.
A life in the real world and not in a virtual world.
From then
on, we stopped taking the iPad out whenever we go out and imposed time limits
using it. We stopped having phones and tablets on the dining table during meal times
and I have made a conscious effort to stop looking at my phone while in a
restaurant but better yet, keeping it in my handbag the entire time. We have
also started using again the kids activity packs that restaurants provide and
started doing regular outdoor activities. We have also started playing with
Lego again, as a family. In other words, we started interacting and talking again, in the real sense of the word.
It is
still a work in progress but we are almost there. My daughter seldom uses the
iPad now and even hardly asks for it. I guess it was harder for me than for her
as I love spending time online but as a parent, I know my priorities. I need to
lead the way. That new article can be read later and Instagram can definitely wait.
I do not
know if my daughter will continue to shun the trappings of technology but what
I know is that I don’t want her to be that little girl in the corner with her
iPad while the rest of the children are having the time of their life in the
real world.
